Dumb
by AiXiah
Summary: I'm telling you now, this one's dark... in memory of a dear friend and the struggles she faced


Dumb

If you're really that dumb enough to not notice that someone in your family is attempting suicide, well, just how freaking blind is that? Maybe you really are dense to not notice anything or you're just trying to pretend nothing is wrong, that everything is picture perfect, bright, all fuzzy and warm in your family.

Well guess what? She's really killing herself, I'd say not too long now and she'll finally be pushing daisies. With all the emotional turmoil she's having, I'm pretty much surprised she last this long. You think she doesn't feel jealous about other families now do you? How naive, you really think she doesn't care that she has no real father presence, or the fact she has other siblings half-and-half, or that the situation truly in the household is quite a dysfunctional one?

A big family indeed, to bad all she feels is living with a big group of strangers. Feeling alienated every time there's parent-teacher meetings at school because no one would bother to show up, much less ask about what's happening at school. All they care about is whether she pass or not, and while it matters she kept thinking how her friend's families are reacting now.

When she has problems, do you even know? Nah, I don't think you do. She'll keep it to herself, bottled up inside her heart until it became so heavy and she'll end up exploding from the accumulation of those teeny little problems she can't even share to you. Or sometimes she'll share them indeed, to her closest friends, because she doesn't really trust anyone else to understand or to help. She just want to release some of her burden through expressing her, she doesn't truly expect help or anything of the likes.

According to the Webster's dictionary,

Family is:

_Parents and their children_

_Relatives_

_Linage_

_Group of related things_

Guess it doesn't talk about the love they're supposed to share, or the bond, not even affection. You know, if that really is the definition of family, then by all things you are related to her. But if an outsider who doesn't know you will look at your interactions in a different perspective, the one that sprouts about love and care and affection, they won't see it.

You think you care now do you? Well why didn't you notice her quite unsocial attitude, being withdrawn and all that crap? Did you notice her scars, oh the scars?! There are quite a number of them too. It even takes someone who doesn't live with her to notice that something is wrong, someone who has the gall to ask if she has problems and if she wanted to talk. Did you even do that, ask her I mean? You didn't, and she'll never talk if you don't. Talking is not in her nature after all, she's better off somewhere quiet and calm where she can be herself.

Strained relationship is what I describe your interactions, if I can even call it that. Did you know that she wants to be successful, to buy a house of her own, create a family of her own, adopt a child or two and raise them properly? She wants to do all of those things, but most of all she wants to leave this place. She'll leave and never look back, and one day only a letter will tell them that she passed away or maybe there won't even be a letter and they will sometimes muse about what happened to her.

Maybe you think you're being kind? Let me tell you that you're not. You are horrible, you think she doesn't care when you're comparing her to another child or her sibling? You think she didn't notice your nonchalance at her accomplishment, however small? You think it doesn't shame her when you state her flaws and ridicule her in front of other people? You think it doesn't hurt? How stupid, everyone will be hurt if you do those things to them. Ha! You even have the gall to look so surprised when she would talk back to you, or not follow your orders. Maybe if you respect her, she'll give you the same respect too.

Ah, you're thinking that she's ungrateful aren't you? Nope, not really. She's thankful for the food, the clothes, the lodging, and the educational support. There' also the teasing, the emotional turmoil, the ridicules, the suffocating feeling you induce, the breathing at the back of your neck for every _wrong _doing, I could go on but I think it's not supposed to be written here.

There's just too much pressure a person can bear, she reached hers you know. That's why she's breaking a lot faster than I can say butyraceous (yes it is a word, you can look for it), and no one is with her to help pick up the pieces. Did you know that sometimes when you're too broken, you can't glue all the pieces together anymore? They won't fit as it used to and just one wrong move can shatter them again and send them to the edge. Falling, falling, falling…

She's falling, spiraling downward to the endless pit of darkness and there's no one to offer her a helping hand because they can see, but they're not looking; just as they can hear her pleas but they're not listening. Humans are like that, they acquire satisfaction when other beings aside from themselves are hurt. They sense the pleasure of putting down people they believe to be below their person; no matter how kind they appear to be, believe me when I say that they feel it. And because they feel it they won't help, if they do it's not out of love or kindness, they want to look good among their ilk.

She's down in hell, scarred and broken. Trying to put the remaining shards of her life together, but she can't. Did you know that down there she kept thinking, 'How can I end this hell?' and all she can come up is if she disappears. She plans to do just that and you… What will you do? Will you even do anything?


End file.
